All 32 NFL QBs and their political doppelgängers

Saucy Sports has carefully equated every starting QB in the NFL to their political counterpart. These picks are based on a variety of factors, including looks, persona, career arc, success, vibes, and where I think these gunslingers align with our government-sponsored gunslingers. Now, don’t go calling me a frantic lib, fascist, racist, or any other partially true slur just because I may ruffle your political feathers.

AFC North

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) = Lamar Jackson

Flash in the mutha-f***ing pan! Both are theatrical performers who will dance in the end zone and clap in your face on the House floor. Love them or hate them, they’ve both changed the conventional ways of doing things. These two have built young, rabid fanbases (that might call you racist) if you criticize them and have successfully surrounded themselves with a loyal "squad."

John Fetterman = Jameis Winston

Okay, so hear me out. Big bodies that might help their own team (Democrats & Browns) as much as the other team with wild rants and turnovers. As of late, both have become shockingly reasonable alternatives to their colleagues cough Deshaun Watson. Fetterman’s recovery from a stroke and Jameis’s LASIK eye surgery have both rekindled the flame of their careers, and it’s tough not to root for them—no matter how flawed they both are.

Hillary Clinton = Russell Wilson

Ask yourself: which was more cringy—Russell Wilson pretending to run a 2-minute drill in warmups by himself while on IR, or Hillary Clinton being surprised by balloons at the DNC Convention in 2016? One thing is for sure: both are living in the shadows of their iconic sex-symbol partners. The former Seahawk and warhawk have a lot in common on and off the field, and they’ve deleted defenses and emails on their way to the top. You’re welcome.

Josh Shapiro = Joe Burrow

Okay, yeah, their names sound similar, but both Joe Burrow and Josh Shapiro are this year’s prime candidates for "what could have been." Many believe that if the Democratic Party exercised just an ounce of democracy and allowed the U.S. population to have a say in who the next president might be, Josh Shapiro could have been the Democratic nominee. In the same breath, if Joe Burrow had snuck the Bengals into the NFL playoffs, many think he could’ve taken his team to the Super Bowl. For now, we’ll never know. Keep trying, I guess—and hopefully, the DC and LSU swamps don’t take them both in the end.

-Oily Dog Andy