Everything you need to know about the fraud happening in Minnesota.

The gig is up, and it is undeniable that there is MASSIVE fraud occurring at this very moment in Minnesota. It shouldn’t have to take Nick Shirley (with a X account) and Oily Dog Andy (with a sports blog on life support) to bring this scandal to light—but hey, this is where we are. Saucy Sports has collected all the key information you need to get caught up on this outrage.

JJ McCarthy is a bust.

The Vikings’ first-rounder has proven that he is not the chosen one (even though his resemblance to Anakin Skywalker is uncanny). After battling injuries, self-induced injuries, and internet-injuries (with the cringe “Nine” personality), we need to come together and call him a bust. I know it, Vikings fans know it, Somalis know it.

The stats don’t lie.

JJ has thrown 12 INTs and only 11 TDs in his 9 games started this year, while completing just 57% of his passes. BLIND RESUME TIME: Let’s compare JJ to this hypothetical unknown QB. This unknown QB’s stats this season are: 21 TDs, only 7 INTs, and nearly 65% completion in just 10 games played. Wow—maybe we should build around this masked hero? Those are the stats of Jacoby Brissett. Yikes.

JJ has killed JJ

The real “JJ” (Justin Jefferson), AKA Jets, AKA one of the best WRs in the league, has disappeared. Justin Jefferson is currently going gray and dyeing his hair ginger (its true) from the stress that McCarthy is causing him. You would think this Irish connection would lead to success. Jets currently ranks T-93rd in TDs this year.

The mole in the room.

The mole is Sam Darnold. Beneath the surface of this “birthmark” is a Seattle team in the playoffs with a first-round bye. Who looks like the dumber GM, Kwesi Adofo-Mensah or Tim Walz? Insert picture of Darnold’s gross face mole here.

Where is the fucking money?

While JJ isn’t ripping off taxpayers by the demand of a government, he is still ripping off Minnesota fans and the Vikings’ cap space. While JJ isn’t costing taxpayers over $8 billion, it is still a tough financial pill to swallow for the Vikings.