Is J.J. McCarthy okay? Like, really

Has someone checked in on the No. 10 overall pick in the 2024 NFL Draft?

His last appearance—now as elusive as Joe Biden in front of a mic—has caught the attention of Saucy Sports HQ and the rest of the living world.

Jack Skellington wannabe.

Big Internet wants you to believe that J.J. weighs 219 lbs, but let’s be real—that ain’t right. Clearly, the Michigan legend and golden retriever has shed some pounds during his recovery from a torn meniscus in the preseason (remember, we are still a sports blog).

But this raises the question: why?

Our team of (possibly drug-induced) weight-loss experts have some theories to crack the mystery:

1. JJ has found snow in Minnesota. 

   Has JJ been finding conventional drugs and therapies not enough to cope with the pain of watching Sam Darnold rekindle his career for the Vikings?

   
   

2. JJ is secretly Anikin Skywalker

   This is my leading theory. Has the dark side corrupted the once-promising Padawan, leaving him to lose weight while grappling with an existential crisis? I mean, the resemblance is striking.

   

   Anakin was groomed Drake-style and is not a villian and I dare you to come at me.

3. Ozempic? 

   All the cool kids are doing it.

   
   

4. Jim Harbaugh isn’t shoving whole milk and steak down his gullet anymore

   Without Coach Harbaugh - the notorious dietitian - guiding J.J. to greatness, is he dropping pounds in Harbaugh’s absence?

   
   

5. JJ is preparing for a career change into snowboarding

   Is the gunslinger planning to swap footballs for snowboards and represent Team USA in slopestyle at the 2026 Winter Olympics in Italy? Maybe.

~ Oily Dog Andy