Shortlist: Michigan Football's Next Head Coach Candidates

Oily Dog Andy
Dec 10, 2025
2 min read

Welp — the Sherrone Moore era went up in flames faster than a Venezuelan drug boat. Knocking up the assistant with a loving family at home (and millions in the bank) is a tale as old as time. Police involvement, Connor Stallions, the NCAA, and broken magnums have left the maize and blue completely vacant.

Here at Saucy Sports, we've assembled a shortlist of the ideal candidates who might fill this void. Please go into this with an open-mind.

Jon Gruden:

A Super Bowl champion with a slightly racist past might be the perfect yin to Sherrone Moore's yang. Think about the numbers this dude would bring in for the Wolverines. Not only would Michigan’s marketing rebound, but the guy can coach. Call me crazy, but I think there’s a chance.

Mel Tucker

Is Tuck coming? I think two wrongs could make a right in this scenario. Mel Tucker has allegedly learned from his sexual-deviant past. Also, he has a proven track record of success in the Mitten State.

Lane Kiffin

Just saying — we’re still in the middle of the season, which is Lane's preferred time to jump ship. Ask yourself: if Michigan doubled his salary right now, I guarantee this psychopath would consider it. The only thing more shocking than his tarmac exit at Ole Miss would be his UNO reverse card on LSU to become Michigan’s next head coach.

Tony Annesse

Queue the Conor McGregor “Who da fuck is this guy?” If you haven’t been living under a rock, then you would know Tony Annese has built a D-II powerhouse at Ferris State. This dude has gone 77–7 over the last five years with three national championships (and another on the way). If Brian Kelly can go from Grand Valley State to the top of the coaching carousel, then big Tony can as well.

Brian Daboll

Give me the fat boy out of New York! I’m going to use this opportunity to scream to my 13 followers: how does Joe Schoen (GM of the New York Giants) still have a job?! I legitimately think this might be an option for Michigan — the only problem is that Brian Daboll would get even fatter eating a steady diet of coney dogs and Michigan fudge.